Bryon’s Story (Utah)

When I was three years old I was ran over by a hay wagon. I have to hip in my left side I am not suppose to walk. i have been arrested for not understanding my disabilities. I was on services I got kicked off because I am functional. I was told that I was not to fight or appeal there decision because I am not going to win. well I did not let them put fear into me. people told me not do things because I could not do them. I was called crippled and retarded. I took the negative and dealt with negative. I had to deal with depression alot of stuff that comes with brain injury tbi. I have been on Utah Developmental Disabilities council and vice chair and Chair of the council. I have been People first chair of conference and I wrote my book about my life and I am on sabe board. I go around speaking public speaker and I started my own business. I have learned to use supports to help me.

Debby’s Story (Colorado)

This is the story about my son Joey.  It all started when I met his dad Joe.  We had the same friends and the same people working with us and we fell in love. We went to Las Vegas with friends and we spent time together.  So much time together, that I got pregnant.  I felt something was wrong when I went over to my girls friend house. Then I told the person who works with us.  I went to the doctor and she told me that I was pregnant.  I talked to Joey’s dad.  We were happy and scared at the same time.  How do we tell our parents?  Will they be mad?  I was in a program where I can choose the people I work with.  One was a lady who helped me learn how to eat right and she gave me massages that were good for someone who is pregnant.  I exercised by walking.  I was pregnant during the summer, and when it got hot I walked in the pool, and other places.  I started a circle of support.  My mom and grandma and other people were part of the circle.  The circle was missing one thing, which was hospital support.  When I went into labor, I had to go to Joe’s dad’s house because I had no heat at my house.      When my labor started, Joey pooped when he started to come out.  It confused me, so we called the nurse at the hospital and she told me to come to Saint Anthony’s immediately.  Once we were there, the doctors and nurses only saw two people with disabilities.  They thought that we would not be able to take care of our baby.  Our baby boy was born on January 13, 1997 at 10:00AM by caesarian section.  We had a girl’s name picked out which was Carrie Deborah.   For a boy, we picked the name Joseph after his dad (which also happened to be the name for the caption of the Colorado pro hockey team – Joe Sakic).  Joey’s middle name is Christopher, named after Chris Drury (a former member of the Colorado pro hockey team).  Drury is now with the New York Rangers.  Joey’s dad and I were happy. 

Then the hospital called social services and told them that I had hit my son, which never happened.  The hospital placed Joey under police protection and wouldn’t let me near him.  We got a lawyer to represent us who was from the ARC of Colorado.  She helped me to get Joey home safe.  So goes the life with social services.  Joey’s dad and I were happy and nervous at the same time.  My mom and my sister stayed at my apartment for over a week when I first brought Joey home.  I had a nurse come to the house to check on Joey and me because I was too afraid to return to the hospital with Joey after what had happened.  The nurse who came over did Joey’s first check up. 

      Joey, his father, and I did a lot of things together like Gymboree, music class, and baby massage.  When Joey was a baby, he liked trucks, Miss Piggy, Walt Disney movies, and music.  When Joey was very young, his dad and me would tease him about Miss Piggy being his girlfriend, which made Joey laugh. 

      About this time, Joe and I talked about getting married.  We went to the Catholic Church and got the required questionnaire to fill out.  We filled out the paperwork and returned it to the church.  Our next step was marriage counseling which didn’t go so well.  After four or five sessions of counseling at my apartment, the situation became abusive and we mutually broke up.  Our attempt to get married didn’t work out quite the way we planned.  

      Joey began living with his Auntie (Joe’s Aunt) when he was just over one year old.  As the ongoing court situation continued, the judge listened to my side of the story and social services side of the story and decided that Joey could not live with me.  For almost one year, I hardly saw my son at all.  During that time, Mount Saint Vincent got involved and helped me to see Joey a few times.  When he was around two years old, I had two friends who helped me see my son.  They would pick up Joey and bring him to their house so that I could see Joey at their house.  This didn’t last long, because Joe’s aunt got involved and stopped me again from seeing Joey.  I was hurt and mad and tired of everyone else running my life and keeping me from doing what I wanted and needed to do regarding my son. 

Not long after this, Denver Options became involved and helped me to get some visitation time with Joey.  Denver Options helped me petition the court so that I could see my son again.  The court ordered that I could see Joey two times per week under supervision on Wednesday night and Saturday morning every week.  I was happy to have the time with my son, but still angry that our time had to be supervised.  Again, I was being told what I could do but more importantly, what I couldn’t do.  This court order was in place for over nine years. 

During this supervised time, I tried to get Denver Options to help me get more time with my son as well as unsupervised time.  Because Denver Options couldn’t help, I began talking with the powers that be and I learned about an agency called Hope Initiative.  This new agency had some good ideas and a good program and I trusted the people there.  In time, Hope Initiative helped me build up a case to bring before the judge so that I could see Joey on my own.  Late last year, the court reviewed my case and decided that I could see my son with no supervision, but the two days per week is still the same.  

I continue working with Hope Initiative.  The ARC originally created them.  The program helps disabled moms by teaching us to be better parents and more independent.  Jolene from Hope Initiative works with Joey and me and helps me build my parenting skills.  She meets with us on Wednesday nights.  She does a home visit and we talk about ways that I can do a better job with Joey. 

Joey is now 11 years old and goes to a private school.  He has problems in Reading and Math.  He likes gym and science.  He has some friends.  He is actually going on his first date to a Valentine’s dance and he is really nervous.  He likes model trains, real trains and sports like Baseball, Soccer, Karate, Football, and Basketball.  He likes to watch the Rockies play baseball and the Avalanche play hockey. He loves his dog Sheila and his hamster Yoda. 

Joey’s dad is in his life when he wants to be.  It really doesn’t matter what Joey wants, or when Joey wants to see him; he is part of Joey’s life when it is convenient for him.  Sometimes when they are together, they go fishing, to the racetrack, or to a baseball game.  When Joey talks to me about his dad, he asks me to call him and ask when they can get together.  Because I am angry with Joey’s father and I don’t want to fight with him, I tell Joey that he needs to ask his grandmother or aunt to call his father.

Joey has a strong bond with me. He asks me why he can’t see me when our time together gets canceled for a variety of reasons such as transportation, weather, illness, etc.   Joey and I go places with Jolene like the Butterfly Pavilion, Denver Museum of Natural History, out to eat at restaurants like Applebee’s, picnics in the park, and movies.  We talk about things like sports, girls, friends, family, and his world.  He sometimes comes to my church with me for special events.  I have gone to many school activates and to train club.  Joey comes to my house once a month.  When he comes over, he and I have fun doing science experiments, cooking, playing games, or having a holiday party.  Sometimes we call his grandparents and fill them in on what he has been doing or wish them a happy birthday or happy holidays.

It is my hope that in the future, there will be no restrictions, rules, court orders, or anyone telling me how my relationship with my son has to be.  I also hope to have a better relationship with Barbara (Joey’s Aunt) as she is the one with sole custody of Joey.  I hope for a day when Barbara will see me only as Joey’s mother, and not a person with a disability.  Because he continues to live with her, it is important that I can talk to her about Joey whenever I want.  I want for Joey to be closer with my side of the family.  He hasn’t seen his cousins in ten years.  I know that if Joey’s Aunt Barbara viewed me differently, my relationship with my son would only grow stronger.  Joey is growing up very fast.  It won’t be long before he is an adult man and no one will be making any decisions about our relationship.  I believe that at that point, I will finally be truly living the self-determined life that I have been working towards for so many years.